Mike Wittmer

how to win this election

Either Trump or Hillary will win in a landslide if they have the courage to do one simple thing: disappear. Stop talking, tweeting, and teleprompting. Stay off radio, television, and the Internet. Don’t appear in public until after the election. Let the other person have all the attention, and there is no way you will lose.

Do not campaign with the president. That only reminds us why you lost before.

Do not campaign with senators and governors. That only diminishes them.

Do not tweet about bombings, disasters, or anything. If you’re tweeting you’re talking, and if you’re talking you’re losing.

Do not use email. You know why.

Do not tell us who you nominated for vice president. That is one more chance to say something stupid, racist, or condescending and fire up the other side.

Do not go to your party’s nominating convention. Send a surrogate whose speech consists of a single line, “Mr. Trump/Mrs. Clinton accepts your nomination to be President of the United States.”

The only thing you must show up for is the debate. But you are only there to provide a foil for the other candidate to talk to. Do not give an opening statement, and definitely do not give one in closing. Simply stand there and cede all your time to the other candidate. You will come off as wiser, abler, and more presidential. Trust me.

I doubt either Trump or Clinton has the discipline to disappear, so this election will continue to go back and forth. Most Americans are struggling to decide who not to vote for, and just when they’ve made up their minds, the other candidate talks.

This isn’t a typical election, and it won’t be won in a typical way. But the presidency can be yours, Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton, if only you have the courage to let us forget about you.

Photo by Diego Cambiaso. Via Flickr. Used by permission.

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2 responses to “how to win this election”

  1. Check out | HeadHeartHand Blog

    […] How to win this election | Don’t Stop Believing This is funny and pretty close to the truth: […]

  2. Matthew Perri

    The self-described “Christians”, most important “election” is,
    who we elect to listen to, trust, follow or obey-

    Jesus of the Gospels, or Boss Paul the Pharisee

    Poem – What is love?

    Two men came to Jesus
    With different motivations.
    They asked Him the same question
    Relevant to all the nations:

    Which is the Most Important?
    The answer was the same.
    Jesus did not manipulate
    He was not there to play a game.

    “Love the Lord your God” said Jesus
    as He quoted from The Law –
    to fulfill and not abolish
    was His purpose, full of awe.

    Jesus did not make all Scripture
    Into one new great commandment.
    He summarized The Law and Prophets
    “First and Greatest” and “The Second.”

    The Love of God is higher
    Than the love of any man.
    Receive from God, give back to God-
    Then to others, that’s His plan.

    The Love of God involves much more
    Than simply “love your fellow man.”
    Worship, trust, and pray to God,
    and obey Him – that’s His plan

    To worship and pray to neighbors,
    Whoever they may be,
    Or trust and obey our enemies
    Would be idolatry.

    The love of God is first and greatest,
    And the love of man is second.
    “All we need is love” are words
    of dead Beetles on the pavement.

    “The entire law is summed up in a single command”
    are not the words of Jesus our Salvation.
    It’s false teaching of Paul the Pharisee
    an “accuser of our brethren.”

    “Love” without God is Satan’s word through Paul
    in his chapter to the Corinthians.
    “I will show you the most excellent way”
    is the road to eternal perdition.

    Where is God in Paul’s chapter on love?
    Nowhere in view of the eye.
    Paul sings about himself like a Mexican Mariachi
    “I, I, I, I.”

    Jesus is The Most Excellent Way
    Not the words of a Pharisee.
    The words of Jesus are very clear.
    Jesus said, “You must follow ME.”

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