My good friend Ann Byle, author of The Making of a Christian Bestseller (highly recommended for authors) and coauthor of Bethany Hamilton’s devotional for teenage girls (you may remember that Bethany’s arm was bitten by a shark a few years ago, an unfortunate event which strangely qualifies her to speak to the struggles of adolescent Christian girls; I don’t remember the title of the book, but it’s not important because I don’t think this blog gets a lot of hits from its target audience), added her own list to mine from a feminine perspective.
As you can tell, Ann is dealing with several issues. As always, neither myself nor this blog are responsible for the contents of ourguest bloggers (since this is my first one, so I have no idea if that will fly in court).
Here is Ann’s list:
1. Keep every room in your house clean at all times (cleanliness is a sign of godliness, and an unsaved neighbor or, perish the thought, a church friend might stop by)
2. Keep laundry caught up at all times (clean, neat family is a godly family)
3. Provide a healthy, well-rounded dinner (and daily lunches) for your family to eat together (pizza and pop are not signs of good Christians; squash and wheat pasta are)
4. Save at least 50 percent on your grocery bill each week using coupons (spending all your money on food doesn’t leave enough for tithing or giving to good causes)
5. Never run out of key items like ketchup, toilet paper or milk (people who don’t think ahead area surely not good Christians)
6. Make at least one meal a week to have in the freezer in case someone from church, family, or unsaved neighbors need it (sharing what we have is always a good sign)
7. Work in the church nursery (we all had babies at one time and know moms need the break, and it’s not like we’re participating in any church leadership areas anyway)
8. Attend a church Bible study (obviously!)
9. Be home when the kids get home from school to help with homework, get snacks, and debrief them from the day (a kid with a mom at home is a healthy kid!)
10. Work some sort of part-time job to help with the family income (better to tithe more, and your husband won’t always be asking what you do all day)
11. Organize all doctor, dentist, haircut, orthodontist and other appointments, then make sure the kids (and you) get to all of them (a smooth-running house is a godly house)
12. Deep clean your house once a year (cleanliness is next to godliness, and somebody might actually run their finger over your door jamb)
13. Maintain a healthy weight (so people don’t talk about your lack of self discipline)
14. Be ready for sex at all times (your husband needs this because otherwise his brain may become poisoned by excess sperm)
15. Each year plan at least six wedding or baby showers, family holiday parties, or church-wide events, plus make huge amounts of food for each (we all have the gift of hospitality, after all)
16. Attend or host at least two at-home parties each year (to support your Tupperware, Silpada, Premier, etc-selling friends)
17. Purchase all birthday and Christmas presents for all immediate and extended family members, plus wrap them (honoring our family is a Christian thing to do)
18. Purchase all clothing, shoes, school supplies, coats, costumes for family members, and do it within a budget.
19. Make sure all children memorize all verses and do all projects related to AWANA, Pioneer Girls and Boys, and other church clubs, as well as participate in all church Christmas programs and choirs (they’ll go to hell if they don’t pass those books, and other parents will look at you funny if you don’t)
20. Always be willing to take care of someone else’s children in times of need, regardless of whether you can barely tolerate your own kids.
21. Get a full night’s sleep every night (because 21 is a multiple of 7, the number of perfection).
Gosh, I think I’ll go take a nap. Or read Proverbs 31.